A Simple Question

On Monday night I was laying in bed with Jake and I asked him "How are you feeling about all this baby making business". Silence. Then, "What do you mean?" ... "Just, how do you feel about having another baby" because you know, that was ambiguous and all of a sudden I wondered what he was going to say. He replied something along the lines of "I'm mostly into having another child. Some days more than others. But I'm mostly there." I was surprised by this answer because I was more referring to the process of getting pregnant, not really if he was excited about the outcome of having a baby. I can't say it was a huge surprise to hear him say it - I mean, this was the guy that was nervous about having one and now we are venturing into that land where we will no longer outnumber the children. And since I want him to feel safe to share his feelings (until I'm pregnant, at which point corporal punishment will be handed down if any doubts are shared) I told him I felt the same on some days. I rolled onto my back and let my mind wander a bit, wondering why I want another kiddo. Briefly the sore nipples, sleepless nights and spit up shirts crossed my mind. But then my brain was flooded with the memories of Theo smiling at me for the first time, snuggling against me with complete trust while breastfeeding and watching him learn about the world. I have no doubts. I want this.