Secrets

I recently “came out”.  I started using my real name on my blog.  I even started going back and replacing all my fake names in my earlier posts, just to avoid confusion.  Of course, it ended up being a much bigger job then I thought, so it’s only sporadically done, thus causing more confusion than it would have originally.  Ah well, welcome to my life of half-assed good intentions.

I decided to do this for a couple of reasons.  First, as I said in this post, I just didn’t want to come up for a made up name for my new little boy.  I’m not sure why it didn’t bother me to create a pseudonym for Finn.  Maybe because I was just getting to know Will?  Who knows.   The second reason was because I wrote a guest post on Stefanie Wilder Taylor’s site, Baby on Bored about what it was like growing up as a child of a alcoholic.  My family has been fiercely concerned about keeping the secrets of our past regarding the alcohol and drug abuse.  Although my mom is sober today, it is clear that we are not allowed to talk about it.  I was concerned that maybe if I posted on Stef’s site with my real name that somehow, someway she would find it.  Then, she would find my blog.  And then, my family would be furious at me for sharing our dark secrets. 

Then, I saw this, and it all just clicked into place for me.  This is my life and the repercussions of keeping secrets can be devastating.  She can keep her secrets.  But I’m telling mine.