The basics: Pushing this contraption UP indicates that you are going to the right. Pushing it down means you are going to the left. Simple, eh?!
- Don't assume that just because you have your blinker on, that you are entitled to come into the lane. Plan ahead. For instance, if you know you need to turn left in a mile, don't wait until the very last second to get into the left lane - i.e., don't be lame.
- Your turn signal can be very handy when you want to merge into one of the lanes next to you. There is no need to get annoyed at other drivers when they won't let you in, when you haven't communicated that you want to do so, even if you believe that your passive aggressive swerving is getting your point across.
- If you are going to merge into the turn lane, go ahead and turn on your blinker on prior to getting into that lane. If you turn it on WHILE you are ALREADY in the turn lane, you are just being a lazy, annoying fuck.
- If you intend on turning right into a side street or strip mall of sorts, be sure not to turn it on your blinker and then pass three or four possible places that you could have turned right. This defeats the point of the turn signal, as you are LYING about your turning intentions.
I'm so glad that I could enlighten you about these new products and concepts. Now go forth, and use with reckless abandon. I think that once you start using it, you'll find yourself turning on your signal when you pull into your driveway, and giving a thank you wave to the tree in your front yard. You can never be too safe or nice!
Next edition: Bumper Stickers: Which ones are totally inappropriate for your vehicle and therefore alert everyone that you are a douche canoe?
Future editions: Avoid parking like an asshole AND The Left Lane: Not for you, Grandpa.
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