Oh hey, that grass over there is WAY greener

My first week and a half of work can be accurately summed up into one word:  Exhausting.  I’m not one for summing up, so it was more like “oh my god, what was I thinking, hanging out in my pjs and watching cartoons was actually awesome, I feel like I’m going to fall asleep at any moment, please don’t fire me on my second day.” 

The number one most painful thing is waking up to an alarm.  I have the insane luck that Finn likes a solid 12 hours of sleep, so while I was unemployed, he was waking up at 8am.  In order to get myself dressed, nurse Will, pump, get the boys dressed, eat breakfast, pack my lunch and pack the daycare bag for both kids, I have to wake up at 6.  With the exception of one blissful night, Will has been waking up 4 times per night.  FOUR TIMES.  So, my brain is all “yeaaaaaah, I’m gonna need to stare at the wall for at least 2 hours today” and I’m like “No, actually, you are going to need to meet new people, remember their names, learn new skills, write coherent emails all while NOT falling asleep on your desk.”  Needless to say, my brain and I are not getting along.

And the whining is in full force.  This is hard.  I’m tired.  I miss my boys.  I miss my husband. 

I can honestly say that this is one of the hardest times of my life.  Having 2 kids (and did I mention that one of them wakes up FOUR TIMES a night?), a husband who is working full time at a job where he works evenings and weekend WHILE going to school full time and then starting a new job where I have to like…think and stuff.  From 6am until 8pm I am go go going nonstop…and then at 8pm I look around the dirty house and the piles of laundry and the bills to pay and the emails to return….and I choose sleep instead.  And I ask myself….why was I so anxious to find a job?

Oh yeah, I like my house, eating food and having heat.  Right.  That.  Okay, so there’s no going back.