Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A new kind of belly story

Last Wednesday, I turned 32.  Nothing particularly exciting about that year, no real landmark event.  However, I grew up in a family that always went apeshit for birthdays, so I was happy to get so much love and well wishes from everyone.  The beauty of Facebook, right? 

This is going to be a pretty incredible year for me because I'm going to be getting pregnant.  With someone else's baby(ies).  Huh?  Yeah.  I'm going to be a gestational surrogate. 

Deep breath.

That's right.  In about 2 months, doctors are going to transfer 2 embryos with the hopes of twins for a lovely couple. Whoooaaaaa, right?  I have to say, I'm pretty much absolutely stoked about this. 

Okay, so I'll go ahead and answer the questions I always get:

FAQ 1:
How did you ever think to do something like this?
8 years ago, my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer (at age 24).  Because of the aggressive chemo and radiation that was in her future, they recommended that she freeze her eggs.  She always joked, "Well, if I can't get pregnant, you'll carry my babies, right?"  "Yes, yes, yes," I always said.  Well, she's happy and healthy 8 years later, but still not ready for kids.  But that seed was planted.  Over the last couple of years, it's been a nagging little itch in my head.  Mike was pretty adamant about getting the snip-snip only weeks after we'd had Will....and although I was definitely fine with the no-more-kids part, I was ridiculously sad about the no-more-pregnancy part.  That's bizarre, right?  I can't really explain it, but I just loved being pregnant.  Even though I had pretty terrible morning all day sickness with both of our boys, I just find the whole thing to be magical and amazing - especially birth.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not some zen master momma who breathed through labor without pain meds - no way, I was epidural'ed up with both.  (After what I felt was a commendable many, many hours med-free).  It's just so fucking amazing, you know?  Anyway, so over the last several months, the prospect of surrogacy kept popping up in my life - I'd read a blog, or a news article, or someone would bring it up.  And so finally, I started researching and then took the plunge of applying to an agency.  It feels so right and like something I am completely meant to do.

FAQ 2:
What does your husband think about this?
The night that I finally told him that I'd been looking at different agencies and I really wanted to apply, he said "Yeah, this doesn't surprise me at all," calm as can be.  That's SO Mike.  Calm as can be.  He is so totally supportive and even a little excited for us to jump in to this adventure.

FAQ 3:
How are you going to talk to your kids about this?
This is something I'm actually really excited about doing, but we haven't done it yet.  Will (2 years old) isn't really going to understand much, but Finn (5) is going to be well aware that I'm pregnant, and what the typical outcome of pregnancy is. We bought a book called The Kangaroo Pouch and it's about a kangaroo mama who carries a baby for a couple who can't...and it's the whole family's job to care and love for the baby until it's all grown so they can give it to it's family.  It's simplistic (of course) but I have a feeling that my sweet and aware little guys are going to get a lot out of this experience. We are going to wait to tell them until I'm actually pregnant since several months can seem like several years for the preschool brain, so I think it'll be better to share it when it's actually happening. 

FAQ 4:
Isn't is going to be hard to give the baby away after you carry it for 9 months?
No.  Not even a little bit.  Because it's not my baby. The couple is using an egg donor and their sperm (oh, did I mention it's a gay couple?  Fuck, yeah). So it's not mine in any way, I'm just doing the growing part.  Mike and I are so insanely blessed with our boys and also insanely DONE having kids, so the idea of helping another couple with their dream of having kids is pretty freakin fantastic.  Although you never really know until you're there, I don't think it's going to be hard at all - and the agency and past surrogates I've spoken to all say that it's harder to say goodbye to the intended parents than to the baby because you've spent the past year developing a relationship with them. 

FAQ 5:

A gay couple, huh?
Yes, two guys.  There is pretty much no better way to shout from the rooftops my absolute belief in equal rights for all.  I'm so happy to help them become dads. 

FAQ 6:
Did you say two embryos?  So you might carry twins?  Are you crazy?
Yes, yes I am. 

Honestly, I get about 100 more questions, but these are the ones that I get over and over.  Given my track record of blogging, I probably shouldn't make any grandiose statements, but I want to chronicle this crazy journey here.  This is a going to be seriously awesome belly story :)


Bobbie said...

That's awesome! Good for you... And good luck.. I hope all goes well! <3

LizScott said...

Fuck yeah, indeed.