Monday, May 4, 2009

Deep breaths

Okay, Internets, I'm just going to say it - I think the worst of my nausea is over. I realize that putting this out there could be my undoing - my unborn child will check his/her little fetal iPhone to check out my blog and somehow turn up the hormones, but I'm just going to take that risk, because HALLE-fucking-LUYAH, I feel like a normal human being. I'm only about 5 days in, but after you've spent 10 consecutive weeks of 24 hour nausea, 5 days seems like a pretty incredible reprieve. There have been several moments of sickness in the last few days, but it seems like no big deal comparatively.

I'd only gained about 3 pounds as of last week, and I just stepped on the scale this morning and was up to 7.5 pounds! Yikes, how did that happen?

I've been reflecting on how this pregnancy has compared to the last. Some of the notable similarities include craving chocolate milk, chocolate ice cream and Chipotle barbacoa burritos, puking every morning and being sick for 10 weeks exactly. However, those 10 weeks were from 10-20 weeks with Finn and 4-14 with this one. And I know it's easy to forget things that suck, but I swear it was worse this time.

Also something that I've been overwhelmed with this time is the inability to precisely control my emotions, something that I am generally VERY good at. I've been dealing with some pretty obnoxious family issues the last couple of weeks and I'm just not handling it well. I don't want to use the pregnancy card, but I just want to be like "PLEASE can we freeze the freakin drama for like a year or so??" I'd sorta like to just float along in a idyllic existance for the next few months and ignore *certain* family members who frequently act as if the rules of reality don't apply to them.

Here's the fact of the matter - I simply want to live an honest and happy life. And I feel like most of my life is like that. But then I've got these dark clouds looming over that just want to rain all over my good shit. Normally I can aptly ignore these clouds, but being pregnant and emotional and a little loony is making it harder - and not only does it make me sad, but it makes me angry. I am a lot of things, but an angry person isn't one of them, so this is an emotion I have a hard time navigating.

I've talked at length about this with the husband and he's trying to help me come up with some good coping strategies, which makes me feel a bit like a mental patient. I've just got this voice in my head that is telling me "ESCAPE! ESCAPE!" and then the other day Mike sent me a link to real estate in Guam, and I couldn't help thinking....I hear the Mongmong area is beautiful this time of year....

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