Friday, December 5, 2008

Number two

It's very interesting how much different trying for baby number 2 feels than trying for the first one. Mike and I both came from very small families, were the first to reproduce among our siblings and are ahead of most of our friends - and not because we are young (I'm in my late 20's, he's early 30's) basically we had not been around kids very much at all. We waited 5 years after we got married to start trying....I finished my degree, got a job, we bought a house. All set. Then, we sold the house and bought another house. Super set. Then, we waited some more. THEN, we started trying. Mike  was always the kind of guy that was like "I could do without having kids"....but he knew that was on my agenda, and since he wanted to be on my agenda too, he was on board with the kid idea. However, I did my very best to not push the idea until he became more comfortable and excited about actually starting to try. It was early summer, right around my birthday and we were laying on the couch and he mentioned something about seeing a baby at the store and having his first urge to have one of his own. I nearly fell off the couch in excitement and eased into the idea of getting off the pill. He was game, so I stopped taking it. I was pregnant literally days later. It took FOREVER for the pregnancy tests to be positive - I was 12 days late before getting a positive result. It happened so quickly, we were both in shock....I think I was a little more excited than he was, as I don't believe that he thought it would be in action quite so soon. And so it was.....

The pregnancy was interesting. Mike tried to get excited, but I think he was mostly just putting on a pretty good show. He just simply didn't know what to expect and he's not the kind of guy to pretend he's stoked about something he doesn't know about. But - he did a pretty good job anyway. He painted the room with gusto, put together furniture, pretended to care about which bedding set we registered for, etc. But there was just something missing, although I didn't fully realize it at the time.

We decided to get my IUD removed last month, the day Obama was elected. And the way my period fell, I would have had to get pregnant basically THAT DAY. And damn those PMS symptoms, I seriously thought that I did get pregnant right away. Sore boobs, crazy hungry, nauseous, etc. There was a moment that I was in my living room, dancing with my little boy. He was really sleepy, and he had his head laying on chest and I was dancing around the room, singing. The song was that Leona Lewis "Bleeding Love" song...not really significant for any reason or poignant, even. But I was swinging around the room, feeling very motherly and beautiful....wondering if there was a baby growing in my belly...I felt like it could have been a scene in a movie. Then, I glanced up at a picture hanging on the wall that I could see my reflection. I saw how frizzy my hair looked and the red spot on my face where I picked that zit earlier and my holey pajama shirt and brought myself back to reality. My period started later that day.

A few days later, Mike and I were talking about the book that he tried to read Finn when he was in my belly. It was a short classic novel, and I usually fell asleep while he read. He never finished the book. This was mostly due to him working lots of late nights, but I think it was also because he felt a little silly, although he never actually said that. Mike said that he wouldn't have any problem finishing the book for the next baby. "I actually knows how to talk to a baby now" he said. What an interesting statement. I let it rattle around in my brain and smiled at him. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about that comment since then. I love trying for baby number two. I'm not scared of the unknown - I know it can get rough, but I also know how ridiculously incredible it is. And I can't wait.

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