Monday, January 26, 2009

Blow by blow

Back from vacation. Here's the highlights:

Day one (Saturday): This is the day my period should have started, but nothing all day. Two planes rides and we were in Florida and then on the cruise ship heading for the Carribean. Theo was great for the entire 12 hours of traveling from beginning to end, our luggage arrived intact, all is well with the world.

Day two: No period. Confirmed with Jake that we were waiting until Tuesday to test. Was hoping he'd budge, but no luck. Weather was glorious, Theo was sleeping/napping well, pool was awesome.

Day three: No period. Starting to get excited, but saying nothing outloud so as not to jinx anything (because really, it's possible that if I was pregnant that it would magically negate itself if I talked about it)...Jake did a diving trip, Theo got braver at the pool....and managed to slip twice and hit his head. Felt like a super duper mom as he wailed for all to hear. Could barely get to sleep this night because I was so excited about testing.

Day four: TEST DAY! I woke up and went into the bathroom. Peed on the stick, capped it and turned it upside down. Slowly washed my face, brushed my teeth, put on lotion.....grabbed the test and brought it back out to the dark room and put it on the bedside table. "So?" asked Jake. "I didn't look at it, I want you to." He got up, grabbed the test and brought it to the balcony door. He cracked the drapes apart and studied the test in the sliver of light. And shook his head. DAMNIT. I jumped up and grabbed the test from him and shoved it into the light, willing the faintest line to appear. Nothing. I took a deep breath and remembered it took several days with Theo to get a positive. Enjoyed a day of snorkling with my mom and fed squid to stingrays. No period in sight.

Day five: I knew I had gotten my period the moment I woke up, but didn't truly believe it until I went to the bathroom. I took a deep breath and went back into the bedroom and told Jake. Ever positive, he said "Well, another month of trying!" I got up and sulked to the balcony, stared out into the ocean, feeling sorry for myself. And feeling bad for feeling sorry for myself. And feeling mad that I wasn't pregnant and feeling like I was somehow ripped off. How dare my period be so late, getting my hopes up. Jake came out and asked me if I was okay, and I told him I was sad. He said something optimistic and I snarked back something like "can't I just be disappointed for 10 minutes? I'll be positive later, but right now, just let me feel this." And then, I felt bad for making him feel bad for trying to cheer me up. Fuck, only 3 months in and I'm already being a crazy person! Get it together! Several deeps breaths later, I came back into the room, whispered an "I love you" into Jake's ear and proceded to enjoy the rest of my vacation.

Day six, seven: Blah blah who cares...(not really, it was fab....really).

And now I'm back, and to the ovulation calendar I go. But now the conundrum - how long is my cycle now? Do I calculate from when the first date of my period really was or do I calculate from when my start date should have been? I plugged numbers in all kinds of ways and basically came to the conclusion that it's mandatory sex for like 12 days beginning Feb. 1.

And in the meantime, I am going to get in high gear with the weight losing. I managed to only gain 1 pound, which is a serious vacation record for me. Something about my son who will only tolerate 30 minutes of restaurant time made it impossible to get seconds of, I'm going to make the goal of working out EVERY day until my next would-be period. And even though it's 8:30pm and I'm totally exhausted, I'm going to start today, just to make a point. The ONE thing that goes through my mind around the time I wonder if I'm pregnant is "Damnit, I wish I had dropped a few more pounds beforehand" ... So I'm going to get to it. So the working out will consist of either 30 minutes of cardio or 30 minutes of weights/abs. I figure this can't be THAT hard - usually I work out over my lunch hour with a coworker and if that doesn't happen for some reason, I can easily jump on my exercise bike at home while watching one of my mindless TV shows. So off I go, to watch the DVR'ed season premiere of Lost and do the exercise bike until my butt goes numb.

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